Do you want some free advice to save your marriage? Take it from me.
I have counseled countless couples whose marriages were on the rocks.
The big picture is that to save your marriage YOU must change first before expecting your spouse to change.
Too many spouses in a marriage demand their rights.
And when these rights are not given, they get angry and continue to demand to have things their own way.
Here is what I advise couples in general.
My general advice to all couples is to give up your individual rights for the sake of your spouse.
That is the first step towards personal change.
When your spouse can see the changes in you, he or she will begin to change, too.
Then and only then can there be any hope of saving your marriage.
I know what I am saying might sound radical to you, but before you turn away from reading the rest of this article, allow me to reveal to you the ONE single ROOT of ALL marital conflicts.
The Root of All Conflicts What are the root causes of conflicts, tensions, arguments, misunderstandings, fights and the like between couples? Whatever causes you can think of, they all boil down to only one thing - Unfulfilled Expectations.
Why do I say that? Let me explain.
You expect your spouse to act or speak a certain way or do something for you or give you what you want or know what to do without you saying it or understand how you feel etc.
Let me give you some everyday examples.
Suppose after work, you go somewhere with your office colleagues instead of going straight home.
You hang out at a favorite place and have a good time.
Your motive is to relax and unwind but your wife may need you home to look after the children while she prepares dinner.
Therefore, she expects you to understand her situation and come home immediately after work.
The baby is crying, the twins are fighting and your oldest son is self-absorbed in playing computer games.
The house is a mess, the noise is driving your wife crazy and the dinner is getting burnt.
By the time you get home, your wife is seriously stressed out and is about to kill you for being so inconsiderate.
What happens next is a domestic 'World War III'.
How did that conflict start? It started with the unfulfilled expectation of your wife towards you.
Now let me speak to the wife.
You have a circle of lady friends that you are close to and spend time with.
They often have social gatherings and naturally they invite you.
You want to participate in these gatherings so that you don't feel left out.
But your husband is facing major challenges at work and expects you to be there for him.
However, when he comes home, he walks into an empty house.
At the end of the day, you are so tired or emotionally spent that you just want to sleep.
Your husband needs someone to talk to but you do not realize it.
On other occasions he may want to have sex with you, not as an outlet for his stress, but to genuinely express his love for you, but again, you are not up to it.
This puts a huge strain on your relationship.
If this keeps up, you will be faced with a disaster in your marriage.
Again, how did that conflict begin? It started with the unfulfilled expectation of your husband towards you.
When one spouse expects something of the other and that expectation is not met, miscommunication occurs.
This miscommunication leads to misunderstanding which in turn leads to something going wrong.
When something goes wrong, tensions arise which leads to confrontations, conflicts, arguments, quarrels and fights between the two of you.
This brings me to the all-important key in saving your marriage.
An Important Key This all-important key to saving your marriage is to discern all areas of unfulfilled expectations that each of you have towards the other.
Open the channels of communication.
Talk it through, express you thoughts and feelings towards each other.
Ask one another what each expects of the other in any given area of your marriage.
When these expectations are brought to light, be willing to CHANGE yourself for the sake of your marriage.
When you change, your spouse will change, too.
That is the surest way to save your marriage.
Conclusion Saving your marriage is a two-way affair.
Not only should you expect your spouse to change, YOU must change also.
In fact, the best way to get your spouse to change is for you to change FIRST.
I have counseled countless couples whose marriages were on the rocks.
The big picture is that to save your marriage YOU must change first before expecting your spouse to change.
Too many spouses in a marriage demand their rights.
And when these rights are not given, they get angry and continue to demand to have things their own way.
Here is what I advise couples in general.
My general advice to all couples is to give up your individual rights for the sake of your spouse.
That is the first step towards personal change.
When your spouse can see the changes in you, he or she will begin to change, too.
Then and only then can there be any hope of saving your marriage.
I know what I am saying might sound radical to you, but before you turn away from reading the rest of this article, allow me to reveal to you the ONE single ROOT of ALL marital conflicts.
The Root of All Conflicts What are the root causes of conflicts, tensions, arguments, misunderstandings, fights and the like between couples? Whatever causes you can think of, they all boil down to only one thing - Unfulfilled Expectations.
Why do I say that? Let me explain.
You expect your spouse to act or speak a certain way or do something for you or give you what you want or know what to do without you saying it or understand how you feel etc.
Let me give you some everyday examples.
Suppose after work, you go somewhere with your office colleagues instead of going straight home.
You hang out at a favorite place and have a good time.
Your motive is to relax and unwind but your wife may need you home to look after the children while she prepares dinner.
Therefore, she expects you to understand her situation and come home immediately after work.
The baby is crying, the twins are fighting and your oldest son is self-absorbed in playing computer games.
The house is a mess, the noise is driving your wife crazy and the dinner is getting burnt.
By the time you get home, your wife is seriously stressed out and is about to kill you for being so inconsiderate.
What happens next is a domestic 'World War III'.
How did that conflict start? It started with the unfulfilled expectation of your wife towards you.
Now let me speak to the wife.
You have a circle of lady friends that you are close to and spend time with.
They often have social gatherings and naturally they invite you.
You want to participate in these gatherings so that you don't feel left out.
But your husband is facing major challenges at work and expects you to be there for him.
However, when he comes home, he walks into an empty house.
At the end of the day, you are so tired or emotionally spent that you just want to sleep.
Your husband needs someone to talk to but you do not realize it.
On other occasions he may want to have sex with you, not as an outlet for his stress, but to genuinely express his love for you, but again, you are not up to it.
This puts a huge strain on your relationship.
If this keeps up, you will be faced with a disaster in your marriage.
Again, how did that conflict begin? It started with the unfulfilled expectation of your husband towards you.
When one spouse expects something of the other and that expectation is not met, miscommunication occurs.
This miscommunication leads to misunderstanding which in turn leads to something going wrong.
When something goes wrong, tensions arise which leads to confrontations, conflicts, arguments, quarrels and fights between the two of you.
This brings me to the all-important key in saving your marriage.
An Important Key This all-important key to saving your marriage is to discern all areas of unfulfilled expectations that each of you have towards the other.
Open the channels of communication.
Talk it through, express you thoughts and feelings towards each other.
Ask one another what each expects of the other in any given area of your marriage.
When these expectations are brought to light, be willing to CHANGE yourself for the sake of your marriage.
When you change, your spouse will change, too.
That is the surest way to save your marriage.
Conclusion Saving your marriage is a two-way affair.
Not only should you expect your spouse to change, YOU must change also.
In fact, the best way to get your spouse to change is for you to change FIRST.
Source...